On the “Becoming”
“Your journey has moulded you for the greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think you’ve lost time. There is no short-cutting to life. It took each and every situation to bring you to the now. And NOW is right on time”- Asha Tyson
I am an old soul in the body of a twenty-something year old. I say this because even though I like technology and can manage to keep up, the only game I give myself to download and play is Solitaire. When I’m literally losing my mind, it helps me take my mind off pressing issues and focus on numbers and shapes. It’s the only mental activity my brain can permit when my mind is numb too. It’s a game for old people. But I think the real reason that I love Solitaire is that I can start again without having to see “GAME OVER” or “NO MORE LIVES” or “YOU LOST”. Once you get stuck in a deal, you can start a new deal and not feel like you’re cheating. And then you just keep trying over and over until you win.
And then it just feels like life, my life. Only difference is that in life it’s not that easy to start again. Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my journey- Roadblocks and detours, dead ends and dark alleys, false starts and accidents. It’s enough to make your heart sigh. And how much time I have wasted running down the wrong roads. But in the end, I do know that everything is just what it was meant to be.
When I started this part of my journey many months ago, I told God that I had bought a new notebook to write down the lessons. I have come a long way and even though there’s still so much ground to cover, I think I’ll be needing a new journal soon. At every point, and through every mistake I have learned invaluable lessons to help me through the next part of the race. I don’t look back in anger anymore. As they say “If you don’t grow from pain, you’ll wither from it”. Well, I’m growing. And it’s painful, as painful as when Bruce Banner is transforming into the Incredible Hulk. But it’s also an amazing thing to be able to look back, forgive and be truthful enough to know what you did wrong. “But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother. Like a weaned child I am content” Psalm 131:2
I’m grateful for everything, knowing that those who put their trust in God will never ever be put to shame. As long as the earth remains, seed time and harvest will never cease. And I’ve sown. Some on good ground, some on bad. In good weather and in bad storms. “Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them” Psalm 126: 6.
Everything good will come…