On Being the Same Ol’ Gee
“If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you’ve made, if they don’t realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.”
– Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth and Being Free
Do you know how stretch marks come about?
Stretch marks are these seemingly unsightly marks or veins that appear on the skin. They usually come about after weight gain or even a sudden weight loss. When you gain weight suddenly, your skin stretches to accommodate the extra weight. It’s why women have them after child birth and why teenagers always have them. The skin gets overstretched and is unable to keep up with collagen production. So the skin stretches, a painful process that causes itching and leaves scars.
But stretch marks aren’t entirely bad, they mean different things to different people. For some mothers, it’s a badge of honour, and a small price to pay for the blessing of being a mom. For some, it’s the prize of their weight loss. And for other people like me, it means that you finally now have booty, free of charge!
You didn’t go through all of this not to be able to tell your stories.
I’m listening to Jhene Aiko’s “Spotless Mind” and the very first line says “Change is inevitablle”. Strangely, as constant as that is (that being change), that’s usually the most difficult thing for us.
We’re always too eager to show the ones who have known us for so long that nothing has changed and that we’re still the same old people we were. But we also want to grow. And growth is hard – all the stretching and adjusting to fit your new size. Growth is a result of learning from all our failures and misadventures. Growth is leap of faith after leap of faith, or maybe just blind trust that lands you outside God’s will but still smack dab in the middle in His love.
I’ve written in the past about how painful the becoming has been for me. Sometimes, I imagine what it must be like to be God and have to deal with my tantrums and worrying, or the days He literally has to drag me crying and kicking to the next phase. There have been the days when I knew for sure that I was losing my mind, and other times when I wished that I could just hibernate for a while and sleep through my storms. But that didn’t happen, and I didn’t die. And I grew!
I am still a Work-In- Progress. I find it incredibly amazing that God held me through this all. I didn’t just survive, I grew. And I didn’t go through all of this so I could be the same old Gee. I didn’t go through all of this so I could fit in your little box, and I definitely didn’t go through all of this so I could play small. All these scars, are not for nothing. Understandably, not everyone will understand the growing pains and the new person that I have become. And that’s okay.
Because not everyone belongs in this new phase I’m in. If you only see me for who I was then maybe you should remain in the previous phase of my life.
I’m not the same ol’ Gee.