If Tomorrow doesn’t come…
If tomorrow doesn’t come, I want you to know that I’ve loved you from the moment I knew you existed, maybe even before. I want you to know that seeing and hearing your little heartbeat the first time gave me so much purpose. I know that everyone says this about their children, but you Folarin have made me a different person, in a good way.
If tomorrow doesn’t come, I want you to know that I’ve been eternally grateful for you, through it all. You’ve taught me gratitude – gratitude through every moment, every “spotting”, every needle prick and health scare, every phone call. I’ve learned faith – that God never leaves his children, and that God is ALWAYS good. I’ve learned that faith isn’t just the absence of fear, it’s trust that the One who holds us is strong and infinitely has plans that are better than we could ever conceive on our own.
I want you to know that I believe more and more in miracles because you’re nothing short of one yourself. You’ve shown me how so much can change in such a little time with God in your corner. You’ve taught me how God makes everything work for His glory if we just trust Him.
If tomorrow doesn’t come, I want you to know how much you’ve changed me. I’ve become a more assertive person because of you. I’ve become more resilient, choosing not to give up every time because I realise how my choices can affect you. You’ve also taught me when to step back and breathe, to live to fight another day. You’ve taught me how important it is to take care of myself because it’s so easy to forget to look out for myself now. You’ve taught me balance, how to manage all the many parts that make up the whole because, in the end, that’s what keeps me going. You’ve taught me to be ruthless with protecting my space and energy. You’ve taught me that kindness and being a doormat aren’t the same thing and that while one uplifts, one can kill you. And I’d rather stay alive for you.
You’ve taught me patience- patience through every milestone. You remind me over and over again that life isn’t a sprint but a marathon and as long as we’re on course we will reach our destination with God on our side.
It’s been an amazing one year (-1 day) with you, Folarin. And as much as I’m missing out on so much else, I’m grateful that I’m not missing out on being your mother. Your father and I are doing our best trying to raise you to be the best version of yourself that God planned. I want you to know that I’m super proud to be raising a fully-rounded young man, and no matter what I’ll be proud to be your mom all of our days, God willing.
I guess all I’m trying to say is thank God. And thank you for being my son. God knew I needed you when He sent you.